April 2017 Reflections

It was in June 2015 that after a year and a few months of mourning the break up of my last relationship, I decided that there was changes that had to be made. I quit smoking, moved from the suburbs to the city and lost a ton of weight.

It was a journey of self rediscovery. I felt like I wasn’t living the life that I was meant to live and with a heart full of love, I ventured forward.

Since then I had an amazing journey with highs and lows. I lost people I thought would have been around for a life time, I met new people who I thought would have been around for a life time and met someone I thought I would have been around for a life time.

However life anyways has tricks up its sleeve.

Since January 2017 Ive had to brave the weather and pretend like nothing is wrong. Yet, putting on a brave face only masks the symptoms and the logic behind it all caused me to slide.

In the past few months I have drank excessively, lost sleep, smoked and gained (a little) weight - things that I have sworn to never do again.

Now some of you know about my past empathetic experiences. Lately the forces have been so strong, from little things like foretelling things that will happen. From having the chorus of ‘Hurricane Drunk’ by Florence and the Machine on repeat in my head to knowing when supposed 'friends’ are being subtly deceptive and keeping me at arms reach.

The lack of honesty in some people is profoundly confusing.

So Im walking around Glebe Markets yesterday and thought that if I found a copy of 'The Alchemist’ by Paulo Coelho I would buy it. Low and behold, I found a copy at the first stall with books I open it up and there is a quote in the front cover:

'To realise one’s destiny is a persons only obligation.’

If you’ve read the Alchemist, then youll know the story is of a boy who grows into a man searching for his destiny and finds it where he first least thought it would be.

Another sign that things have come full circle again. For me, its June 2015 once more and Ive realised that sacrificing my own path for the sake of others has put me back nearly two years.

Sure, 2016 was an amazing year to learn and grow and do the things that I had to get out of my system. Maybe it was because I was turning 40 - I don’t know.

All I know right now is that I have to turn this broken heart into love and to take myself back and move forward.

Move on with people who are honest, people who understand we are all different, live differently and make different choices; people who know the true meaning of love and understand the reasons commitment and openness is so important.

Because right now, I have realised my destiny. Just getting there is the trouble. I own my journey and I am moving towards a life where I can find one person who shares these sentiments. Someone who isn’t afraid to love and get a little hurt learning. Someone who I can grow old with.

#dreamerscurse #livelifelovingly #thedreamer #empath #pisces #emotion #love #innerpeace #jvfl